Three Years
by thealycat
Summary: -Lindsayangst- It had been three years, three years since he'd left her forever. -Slightly AU series of three related oneshots-
1. Three Years

**Hello all. This is Aly with yet another one-shot. It is my first solely CSI: NY thing though. Slightly AU, seeing as Danny never died in Snow Day and he never got shot in the abdomen. **

**Disclaimer: CSI: NY and all related characters belong to me in no way. They are the property of CBS and Alliance Atlantis. No copyright infringement is intended from this work. I only own the plot.**

**A/N (Aly's Note): Just keep in mind, I wrote this on an eighteen hour plane ride back from the Philippines. It may not be my best, but we'll see what you all think. And as to the vague-ness of it, I did that on purpose. It'll become less vague in later chapters. (But you already know the main two characters, right? ;) ) **

* * *

It was that day again. The gentle breeze blew strands of her brown hair across her face as she walked across the vast area of Central Park. Leaves crunched beneath her feet as she walked along the grass. They were a rainbow of fall colors: red, brown, yellow, orange. This rainbow was scattered across the ground. She knew exactly how they felt. On this exact day three years ago, her heart was crushed, just like the leaves.

There was that breeze again. A little stronger this time, it lifted the leaves into a mini-tornado of sorts, causing them to swirl around both on the ground and in midair. Again, those leaves represented her feelings. One day after that tragic day three years ago, her emotions were like a whirlwind. She didn't know how to live without him. How could she live without his lopsided grin, his blue eyes—eyes that always mesmerized her, and—most of all—his presence. His presence was always known. Everywhere he went, friends and colleagues would know that he was there. He was lively and always knew how to make her smile when she was feeling down.

She stopped at a wooden bench in front of an old oak tree. The leaves on the tree were multicolored, reflecting New York City's changing seasons. She walked over to the tree and let her fingers trace the carvings. Carved into the trunk was the word 'Montana' enclosed in a heart. The bench that was there looked as old as time itself, always looking like it was going to collapse. But it never did. This was their spot.

Again she sat down in that old yet sturdy bench. Whenever they could, they would come here and just gaze at the stars. She remembered one moment in particular.

* * *

_As they sit in their spot, Lindsay leans against Danny's shoulder. _

"_The stars are beautiful tonight," she whispers, tucking a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear. The stars were actually visible even though many lights were lit in the city. But in addition to lights, the two could see stars gleaming and sparkling in the sky._

_Danny points to a random star by the point of the Empire State Building. "See that star?" he asks in his trademark New York accent . The accent she loved. "It's name is Montana."_

_Lindsay rolls her eyes and smacks his arm playfully. "For a CSI, you sure don't know your stars. That star is the North star, O Smart One." _

_He holds up his hands in defeat. "All right, fine, maybe the star can't be named Montana, but…" Danny looks around for an object. "The tree can." He went to the tree and started carving something in it with his pocket knife. After he finishes, you could see the word 'Montana' enclosed by a heart engraved into the trunk. _

_Danny grins his lopsided grin at the radiant woman now standing in front of him. Lindsay was always radiant in his eyes, whether she was dressed up for a trip to a fancy restaurant or when she just woke up and had messy hair. Lindsay would always be beautiful to him._

"_Aw," she says fondly, slipping her hand into his. "It's perfect." He looks at her; she looks at him. Blue eyes meet brown as they close the gap between them, shutting out the rest of the world. They didn't care that they were in a public park and everyone could see them. Only they mattered. _

* * *

She gave a sad smile at that treasured memory. She was so happy with him. And then came that day, that tragic day three years ago, when he decided to switch shifts with her. He just… left.

* * *

_They load Danny onto a gurney and into an ambulance. They had to rush, for the EMTs said that he was bleeding internally as well as externally. The bullet had pierced his abdomen and he had already lost so much blood before the paramedics arrived. Danny was literally hanging on by a thread. But Lindsay never left his side. _

_The ambulance zips through the streets of Manhattan and screeches to a halt at Bellevue. The EMTs rush Danny to the ER. When it was time to go into surgery, Lindsay wants to go with him, but she is denied access to the operating room. Furious at first, Lindsay reluctantly accepts the decision of the hospital and agrees to wait outside. _

_Time seems to slow as she waits. Staring at the floor, the Montana native hopes_—prays— _that she would see him again, that he would come out of surgery and hold her in his arms again. Lindsay looks up at the ceiling and then back at the floor. Green tiles, pink tiles, yellow tiles; it all seemed endless. _

_The other members of her team gradually come to the hospital and sit next to her. They comfort her and try to make her smile. But nothing would work. Until Lindsay would get to see Danny again, she would be a statue of stone, unmoving and emotionless._

_After what seems to be an eternity, the doctor steps out of the operating room. Lindsay looks up at him, the faintest glimmer of hope in her sad brown eyes. _

"_Please," those eyes seem to say. "_Please._"_

_The doctor shakes his head. Lindsay could do nothing but nod numbly and bite her lip. She stands up and walks outside. _

_Her whole body felt numb. Lindsay hails a taxi and gets inside, driver puzzled at her expression. _

_She barely gets the words out of her mouth. "New York Crime Lab," she whispers. The driver clicks the meter on and speeds off. _

_Gliding through Manhattan, Lindsay feels empty, like a part of her is missing. Biting her lip, she is forced to accept the harsh reality: a part of her _was_ missing. Danny __was gone._

_Lindsay stops at the crime lab, pays the driver, and walks to her own car. Her fingers were so numb that she could barely turn the key. As she drives out of the car park, it starts to rain. _

"_That's just super," she mutters. Driving along a street close to her apartment building, she glances at the ornament hanging from her rear-view mirror. It was in the shape of the state of Montana with 'Montana' written on it in bold black letters. Next to the word was a tiny red heart. It was a present from Danny. He got it for her when they were both in Montana. Tears well up in her eyes as she parks in front of her building._

_It was still raining as the female detective got out of her car, but she didn't care. She tries to take a step forward but can't. Lindsay slams her palm against her car's hood as the tears start to fall. Her tears mix with the rain as she leans against her car, sobbing. He'd left her. He'd left her and she didn't know what to do._

* * *

She felt hot tears streaming down her cheeks. Wiping them away and standing up, she turned to face the 'Montana' carved into the tree.

"I love you," she whispered. Somehow, she knew he heard it. After one last sad smile, she walked away.

It has been three years, three years since Danny Messer left Lindsay Monroe forever. And yet, the pain would never go.

* * *

**Meh. Whatever. I tried. Reviews are loved; Suggestions are welcome.**


	2. A Dream and a Funeral

**Hello all! So, at the request of **lily moonlight**, I am going to continue this story! It'll basically be a series of related one-shots.**

**Disclaimer: Do I look like Jerry Bruckheimer, the owner of CBS, or the owner of Alliance Atlantis? No? Didn't think so. **

**A/N (Aly's Note): This chapter was WAY too hard for me to write. Seriously. The grammar in this is not the best and there aren't as many descriptions in this one as there were in the last one. I've been diagnosed with the worst disease a writer could possible have: writer's block. So I'd really appreciate reviews and reviews containing criticism. Because it was really difficult to write. And also… the italicized part is a dream. Just saying. (:**

* * *

_Lindsay laughed at the statement that Danny made. The female detective never imagined that she would be sitting at a table at the Pine_**—**_one of the fanciest restaurants in the city_**—**_with the man she loved. Crystal chandeliers hung around the restaurant, sparkling and gleaming as waiters and waitresses bustled around the restaurant taking orders, delivering them, and handing out bills. The maître d' showed patrons dressed in fancy outfits to their seats as busboys cleaned up dirty tables, making more space available in the building. _

_Danny frowned when she laughed. "No seriously, Montana, the Giants did beat the Packers to a pulp during last night's game." _

"_Sure Danny, whatever you say," Lindsay grinned. "But I've never heard the phrase 'beat to a pulp' apply to the losing team." When it came to football, the two didn't always see eye to eye. Lindsay was a Packers fan while Danny was a die-hard Giants fan. It didn't matter how close they were; those differences would never be resolved._

"_Well, they were beating you guys badly in the beginning of the game," the New Yorker said, defending his team. _

_The Montana native leaned across the table to get closer to him. "Yeah, but only the end matters, cowboy," she whispered. Danny mimicked her actions as they leaned in for a kiss. However, just before their lips touched, an invisible force pulled Danny's chair back. The chair slid backwards in the direction opposite Lindsay._

_Lindsay was definitely confused, but she also felt another feeling besides that. She was irked. Tonight was supposed to be perfect. But Danny just HAD to be on a magical restaurant chair that took him God-knows-where. _"_Lindsay!" Danny called, a tone of longing in his voice. _

_His tone softened her irked expression. "Danny!" she called back, the same tone of longing in her voice. He seemed so far away. Why was he so far away?_

"_Lindsay!" Danny called again, voice growing fainter. He stretched out his right arm, reaching out to her. Lindsay followed suit and stretched out her hand, reaching out to him. As her arm extended, however, the scenery started to fade. Pretty soon, she was engulfed in blackness. The only thing left was the chair she was sitting on. Lindsay looked at her outstretched arm and then straight ahead at the black void where Danny previously was, gliding away on his chair. _

_She could only utter one thing, one thing that was emitted as barely a whisper. "Danny."_

_

* * *

_  
Lindsay awoke with a start, a couple of lone tears streaming down her face. She looked around and saw that she was still in her apartment, not in a restaurant or black void. It was just a dream. As she became less disoriented from sleep, she realized that today was Danny's funeral. The day that she had been dreading. She wasn't ready to accept the fact that Danny was gone for good.

Walking around her slightly disorganized apartment, she pondered the whole concept of a funeral. Lindsay wasn't a particularly religious person, but she did believe that the person they were having the funeral for was in a better place. She believed Danny was in a better place.

That's what funerals were, right? They were when a group of people**—**most of who actually cared for the decedent**—**gathered to 'witness' his or her passing into a better place. At least, that's what Lindsay thought.

After taking a shower, the female detective put on the ensemble that she put together for the funeral: a pair of black dress pants, a black dress shirt, a pair of new black wedge heels with plum-colored accents. Lindsay bought those expensive heels only two months before, promising herself that the first time she would wear them would be to a special event with Danny. She just never imagined that _this_ would be that event.

Lindsay held back the tears as she did her hair and put on her make-up. She wasn't ready for this. She didn't want to go, yet a part of her felt compelled to go.

"_For Danny_," that part of her seemed to say. "_Go for Danny. He would've wanted you to be there._"

The brunette argued with herself for about a minute before making her decision. Then she grabbed her car keys and drove to the cemetery where Danny's funeral was being held. She was going.

* * *

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." the priest, Father Morris, was speaking as they lowered Danny's casket into the ground. Lindsay, along with the rest of the CSI team, sat in the first row. Danny's parents sat in two chairs in front of the first row, Mr Messer holding Mrs Messer as she sobbed into his shoulder.

As they covered the hole in the ground with dirt, Lindsay couldn't hold her tears in anymore. She put her head in her hands and cried like she never had before. She couldn't believe it. Danny was gone.

The woman looked up when she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. It was Hawkes. He had a concerned look on his face.

"You okay?" he asked. Lindsay nodded. He gave her a sad smile and then went back to watching the funeral.

In truth, the Montana native was not okay. How could she be? The love of her life was gone. All of the memories came back in a flood, whether they were good or bad. The hot tears poured even faster down her face as she sat there remembering all of the times they had.

"May Daniel Salvatore Messer rest forever in Your hands, Father. Amen," with those final words, Father Morris concluded the funeral service.

That's it. It was over. Danny was _really _gone. As the funeral guests left the cemetery, Lindsay stayed behind and wiped the tears from her eyes. She had to talk with him one last time.

As she knelt down in front of his grave, she gave a sad smile. "Hey," the CSI said. Obviously, there was no response except for a gentle wind whistling through the trees. Some strands of Lindsay's brown hair were blown into her face by the wind and she tucked them behind her ear.

"I miss you," Lindsay continued. Again, no response. Yet, somehow, she knew he was listening. Wherever he was, she knew he could hear every word she was saying.

"Living without you is gonna be tough, you know?" Lindsay said. "How exactly am I supposed to live without you, Danny? Every time I go to work I'll be reminded of you, every time I go home I'll be reminded of you, and hell, even when I go to my _car_ I'll be reminded of you. I can't escape you. I don't _want _to escape you." The hot tears that had just stopped a moment a ago began to fall again.

"I love you Danny. I love you and I never got to actually say it. Now that you're gone… I can never actually say it," she went on, choking on a sob.

"I needed to come here when everyone was gone and tell you all of this. Because… I think that you and I have shared a bond that I've never had with anyone else before. I love you Danny, and I'll never stop loving you," she said. Lindsay reached into the bag next to her and pulled out a framed picture of Danny. She smiled sadly and put the picture in front of his grave.

Though it was hard, the detective forced herself to say the next two words. "Goodbye Danny."

* * *

**So… I finished it. Reviews please! I have an idea for the next chapter. Since this story is going to be a series of related one-shots, I can write a one-shot song-fic pertaining to the story. Excellent. XD**


	3. Slipped Away

**Disclaimer: Me no own CSI: NY or the song 'Slipped Away'. They are the property of CBS/Alliance Atlantis and Avril Lavigne, respectively. (:**

**Hey everyone! After I look at how I wrote this chapter, it seems like the end. I guess that this only lived to be a three-shot. I had fun with this. Thanks to **Ducky'sgirl4ever, ashleyharper, **and **loveintrainwrecks **for being so great and making this story a favorite! Thanks to **BollyKnickers, CSIhannah, Flynn, TruLuv, kerber1920, lily moonlight, **and **madhatterette **for putting this on alert! But most of all, thanks to **loveintrainwrecks, GRACE5, Catty, Ducky'sgirl4ever, lily moonlight, BollyKnickers, **and** **for reviewing! I find reviews more appealing than favorites and alerts for some reason. XD**

**I'd also like to give a special thanks to **lily moonlight **for encouraging me to continue this story. I explored new concepts of writing that I made come alive in this story that I never thought I could've accomplished. Thanks for the encouragement!**

**Hope you enjoy this one guys!**

* * *

_Na na _

_Na na na_

_Na na_

Lindsay Monroe walked around the familiar hallways of the New York Crime Lab. They held so many memories.

_I miss you_

_Miss you so bad_

_I don't forget you_

_Oh it's so sad_

As the female detective passed by her office, she saw the picture on her desk through the clear glass doors. It was a picture of Danny and her at the Broadway production _Les Misérables. _He wasn't into that kind of stuff, but when he found out from Stella that she had always wanted to see that, he bought two first-row orchestra tickets for them. He even ended up liking the show. Of course, he made her promise not to tell anyone about his like of the musical, but Lindsay thought that it was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done.

The brunette smiled sadly at that memory. It were memories like that that made her miss him even more. God, she missed him. It was extremely different without him. But she'd never forget him. She would _never_ forget him.

_I hope you can hear me_

_I remember it clearly_

Lindsay wished he could hear her. She wished that she could talk with him again. But… she couldn't. All because of that day when he just HAD to switch shifts with her.

_The day _

_You slipped away_

_Was the day _

_I found it won't be the same_

_Oh_

He had said, "Enjoy your snow day." The female detective did have plans to enjoy the day, but then she heard about the so-called gas leak. The day just went downhill from there.

After the doctor told her that Danny was gone, she knew from that moment on that her life would change. She'd never get to hear his (sometimes) corny jokes at work anymore, she'd never see him. He was gone.

_Na na_

_Na na na_

_Na na_

Lindsay turned around and walked into her office.

"Hey Lindsay, I got the results from…" Adam poked his head out of the Trace lab and started to talk to her, but stopped when he realized that she wasn't paying attention. She was going straight into her office.

_I didn't get around to kiss you_

_Goodbye on the hand_

_I wish that I could see you again_

_I know that I can't_

_Ohh_

She sat in her chair and scanned the room. She'd put many pictures up from various occasions around her office. There was a picture of the whole team—plus Adam, Sid, and Angell—at a precinct barbecue at Riverside Park.

The picture was a treasure to her. Everybody had gathered around Sid at the grill. The medical examiner was flipping a patty with one hand; the other was raised in a salute of sorts. Mac and Stella stood near each other, smiles on each CSI's faces. Adam stood next to Flack and Angell, his hands stretching over Flack's head to form a bunny ears position over his head. The tall detective was oblivious to this. He just put on a grin for the camera. Hawkes noticed the whole thing and stood with a smirk on his face. And Danny and Lindsay stood next to each other, Danny's arm around Lindsay's waist.

_I hope you can hear me_

_Cuz I remember it clearly_

They all looked so happy. Tears started to fall from her eyes. She wiped them away almost brusquely. It seemed that ever since Danny's death she could do nothing but cry.

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day_

_I found it wont be the same_

_Ohhh_

However, Lindsay couldn't help it. The tears just chose to fall at random intervals of the day.

_I've had my wake up_

_Won't you wake up_

_I keep askin' why_

They fell because she wanted him back. The former Bozeman CSI kept on wishing, _praying,_ that it was just a dream. Sometimes she pinched herself to see if she was living in a fantasy.

_And I can't take it_

_It wasn't fake, it_

_Happened, you passed by._

Unfortunately, that was impossible. It couldn't have been a dream. Death was not a dream. It was a real but tragic thing that happened to many people each day. Sadly, Danny was one of them.

_Now you're gone (Now you're gone)_

_There you go (There you go)_

_Somewhere I can't bring you back_

He was gone. She had to force herself to accept that harsh reality. Lindsay had to make herself come to the conclusion that he didn't go someplace that she could find him. He went somewhere nobody could go unless they were sucked into the melancholy tragedy that had happened to Danny. Death.

_Now you're gone (Now you're gone)_

_There you go (There you go)_

_Somewhere you're not coming back_

He wasn't coming back. Lindsay just had to plant a grin on her face and bear with it. She'd been through worse. She'd gotten through the Montana crisis, and that was almost as bad as this. Almost.

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found _

_It won't be the same_

_No_

Of course, life would never be the same without Danny. But she could make something out of this… new reality that she was living in. Something good would happen. She could feel it.

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day_

_I found it wont be the same_

_Ohh_

Lindsay walked out of her office and in the direction of the Trace lab. Today would be her first day of starting anew. Danny would never be effaced from her memory, but she couldn't keep on living her life mourning. She would live her life for him.

_Na na_

_Na na na_

_Na na_

She walked into the Trace lab and started to speak to Adam. "Hey Adam, what've we got?"

"The Trace that we found inside the bag consisted of…" The lab tech started to list the substances found in the bag. Lindsay smiled as he was speaking. For you, Danny.

For you.

_I miss you_

* * *

**Wow. I can't believe it's over. Somehow it seems angstier at the end than it does in the beginning. Regardless, I hope you liked it! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the last one and on the story in general! **

**(:**

**Aly**


End file.
